#the math im honestly fine with its just. eventually it becomes Too Much math .

[oflgtfol]

i will always love astro but a part of me kinda regrets this and is like maybe i would have faired better in geology. like i do wish i had taken more geology classes i only took that one and i didnt pay more than 5 minutes attention to it

[fujobritta]

weird storytime and an abed analysis (abednalysis ?)

in s1e17, physical education, abed says that he didnt mind changing for other people because hes comfortable with who he is . a season later, in s2e19, critical film studies, he says instead that he doesnt like change . and now i realize what he really meant when he said that he didnt mind changing .

when i was younger, around 11-12, i would pretend to be other people online . more than five different separate identities in one discord server . because i wanted people to like me more . i made these alt accounts and assigned each one a personality, a different typing style, a reason for joining, a region, and a timezone . and for the most part, they were people who were nicer and just generally likeable . because im not someone who is any of those things . i am not a nice person . i dont even think im a good person . and god i am not likeable . at all .

so i played these characters . most of them only being active for short periods . i would have full back and forth conversations with these alt accounts to sell it . i had these weird insane elaborate plans . a 16 year old former drug user, lives in manitoba, somewhat parental . 13, california, liked minecraft and drawing -- completely different artstyle (and different software) too . etc .

i would let these accounts bake (make them and then not use them) so that it didnt seem suspicious with a brand new account joining the server . then i would spend a week making the account and forming a character to go with it, sometimes asking people to help me out . it was so fucking crazy . i was insane . might still be .

…yeah i probably still am .

i was such a better person on those different accounts . because i didnt know how to change on the inside, i just started over and over again . different account, new me . like i was experimenting with who i really wanted to be like . formulating the perfect person to act like when i finally decided that i wanted to become a better person .

i gave up eventually obviously . im not a tween anymore . i was a really weird tween . obviously . but i think about it a lot .

honestly i only went back to being myself because it was comfortable . i felt better being a fucking douche . and i still am a douche . im not a good person . i dont think ill ever be a "good person" . what the hell is a good person, anyways . all i know is that im fine with myself like this . even as much as i not-so-secretly hate myself, and deny it out of fear of seeming like an "edgy attention seeking loser" .

its not that abed doesnt mind change, he just doesnt mind changing the persona . he doesnt mind changing the person showing on the outside . a separate identity . but ultimately, he wouldnt ever fundamentally change as a person . because hes fine with who he is, even if other people might not like him for that . and i want to be like him . i want to be someone who is fine with who they are, even if that someone is a socially inept ass who learned tenth grade math at age ten but cant figure out when their own face is making a smile or not .

[brelione]

Ooh congrats on 200 girl!! Can I request something with Rafe please where he slowly falls in love with the reader every time she comes round to tutor Wheezie but she's not interested because of what she's seen and heard about him (non cannon Rafe pls, him just being a rich stuck up dick) so he puts in the effort to win her over and is determined to show her a different side to him!?

Sorry,this sucks lol.

Rafe Cameron,the bitchy,rich,straight white male.He was privileged as all hell and could get away with anything because of his daddy’s money.He did get away with anything,including beating the living hell out of multiple pogues.He was probably the person you hated most in the world and yet you were in his house,being payed with his daddy’s money to tutor his younger sister.You tried not to judge people based on their families but part of you wanted to decline the offer to tutor Wheezie and spit in Ward Cameron’s face.

But of course thats not what happened,you needed money to live and Ward had offered a ridiculous amount.It was your third study session,common core math books and Type Two Writing for Students opened on the table,piles of flashcards and worksheets flooding the marble.

Wheezie needed to go to the bathroom,meaning you were all alone when Rafe came along.Your fingers tightened around your pencil as you went through Wheezie’s first draft,wanting nothing more than to pierce the boys eyeball with the charcoal tip.He stared at you from across the kitchen,looking around with a confused expression. “What the fuck?’He asked.You rolled your eyes,ignoring him. “Who are you and why are you in my house?”He asked,his voice dripping with venom.Wheezie came out of the bathroom,glancing between the two of you. “Shes my tutor,chill.”She sighed,sitting across from you again.The boy glared at you,trying to hide his wonder.

He didnt really know who you were but he was sure he had seen you somewhere.His eyes were focused on your face,trying to figure out if he had seen you at a party or something. “What?”You asked,he shrugged,leaning against the counter and still staring at you.Then it clicked.

He had shown up to a boneyard party,just to be a fucking asshole.He had seen a girl hanging upside down from a tree,talking to JJ Maybank.He could see why he was interested in her,she looked pretty cute,arms crossed over her chest as she swung back and forth.He had always wondered who she was and why he had never seen her before.He thought about her every once in a while,trying to think of why he never saw her again.And here she was,sitting in his kitchen. “You’re a pogue?”He asked,squeezing his cup.You ignored him,tapping your pencil on a word and asking Wheezie what it said. 

“Hey,i asked you a question.”He was closer this time,leaning against the table. “And I ignored you.”You answered,sending a glare his way.He chuckled,shaking his head. “Are you a pogue or not?”He asked.You sighed,looking his way. “Does it matter?Im trying to do my job and you’re being a pest,do you want Wheezie to fail all of her classes?”You asked.He rolled his eyes. “Oh,so you are a Pogue.What does a pogue know that I dont?”He asked Wheezie.You laughed,shaking your head. “We all know you only graduated because of your daddy’s money.You had like...what?A 2.0 gpa?”You teased,gripping your pencil tight.He bit on his lip staring down at you. “Oh,so what’s yours then?”He asked,watching as a smirk came across your face. “4.2,now fuck off.”You growled at him.

Something about the way you told him off completely freaked him out.Most people knew better,especially when they were in his house.He had a habit of sitting on the couch and watching you as you corrected Wheezie’s essays,telling her which words would be better for getting her message across.You would shoot him glares that made his heart beat quicken,making him nervous.Other times he’d see you smile at Wheezie’s progress,his heart beat quickening but for a different reason.As Wheezie put it,he was completely in love with you.He couldnt agree more but didnt want to admit it.He hadnt even talked to you since the first time he saw you.It wasnt until you were packing up your bag and dropped papers that he talked to you again.He had rushed to help you pick them up,handing them to you.

You thanked him quietly,rushing past him.He followed you to the door,working up his courage to talk. “So um...do you have a criminal record?”He asked.You turned,rasing your eyebrows. “Oh,so because im a pogue I have a criminal record?”You asked.He shook his head,mumbling. “No,no not what im saying at all im just trying to make conversation and like….i dont know i just thought it would be a cool question.”He played with his hands,following you outside. “I mean,yeah,I do.I wouldve fuckin gotten away with it too if I was a kook.”You sighed.He laughed nervously,hands shaking a little. “So...what did you do?”He asked.You grinned at the memory. “Vandalism,I used to go around and steal confederate flags and then paint rainbows on their houses.”You answered.He chuckled,nodding.

 “So what did you do with them?The flags,I mean.”he tried to continue the conversation,following you down the driveway. “Burned them.”You answered,turning to look at him again. “Are you gonna follow me home,stalker?”You asked.He blushed,shaking his head. “Um...no,unless you want me too.”He offered.You shook your head,continuing your walk as he just stared at you,jumping up and down,joy washing over him now that he had talked to you without you looking disgusted.He had asked Wheezie to talk to you for him,making her confused. “Talk to her yourself.”She scrolled through her phone.He shook his head. “No,no she hates me I just need you to ask her about like...if shes single,what zodiac sign she likes,what she looks for in a guy.You know what i'm saying?”He asked.She smirked. “You like her!”She exclaimed.He shook his head. “No,im asking for a friend.Please just do this for me,okay?”He asked.She grinned. “So what do I get out of it?I could really go for McDonalds.”She grinned.

“So...what do you think about Zodiac signs?”She asked,writing down some dialogue ideas.You raised your eyebrows. “what?”You asked.She laughed,repeating herself. “Why are you asking?”You asked.She glanced over to Rafe in the living room,the boy twirling his fingers and encouraging her to keep asking questions. “I just think its important that I know.”She mentally face palmed herself. “Ok,Scorpios are superior and Virgos suck ass.”You answered.Rafe’s eyes widened.You had to have known that she was asking for him.You wouldnt have said that if you didnt know he was a virgo. “Ok….what about your ideal first date?”She asked.You laughed,shaking your head. “Keep working on your dialogue.”You told her.

Rafe tried.He really tried so hard.He knew that it was the fact that he was a kook that made you hate him so much.He tried to act more humble,less cocky and tried working on his manners.He went through Wheezie’s instagram followers to find you,cursing when he saw that your account was private. “Wheezie,let me see your phone.”He sighed nervously. “Why?”She asked. “I need to see (Y/N)’s instagram.”He explained,scrolling through your page.You posted pictures of sunsets,your dog and a couple of photos of you holding up peace signs and middle fingers.Your bio made him chuckle. “Fuck the patriarchy and fuck you too.”He went through who you followed,seeing a lot of fanpages and the official Harry Potter account.

That lead him to binge watch the Harry Potter movies,take the sorting hat quiz and order a Slytherin shirt.He purposely wore it when he knew you were coming over,walking into the kitchen.Your eyes fell onto his shirt,laughing. “Oh,of course you’re a slytherin.”You sighed.He grinned. “Wow,thanks.What house are you in?”He asked.He held a long conversation with you as you talked about how much you hate J.K Rowling and how Dobby didnt deserve what happened.He agreed with everything you said,loving the way your eyes lit up.The study session somehow turned into you and Rafe speaking about Draco while Wheezie grinned to herself.

He looked through every single post of yours,every single caption until he learned that you loved horror films.He learned your favorite one,putting it on when you came over.Wheezie didnt even need tutoring anymore,she just liked having you over and you still got payed.You had then become her babysitter because Rafe was deemed to irresponsible and Sarah had a social life. “Dude,are you watching (Y/F/H/M)?”You asked,hearing the dialogue.He nodded,letting you sit next to him to watch it. “I didnt know you liked horror movies.”You sighed,leaning back on the couch.He blushed. “Only this one.”He answered.

It took him three months of talking to you about Harry Potter and horror films for you to stop telling him off,cussing him out and giving him glares.He could feel himself falling for you more,seeing who you were when you werent angry or annoyed.He avoided The Cut,learning that maybe if he let go of his Pogue Beater reputation you’d eventually like him.He tried to be more open,to tell you about himself and have deep conversations with you.He answered your questions honestly,laying his trauma and issues bare and letting you ask questions about the worst sides of his life.He had cried in your arms a couple of times,becoming your friend.He had gotten buried deep in the Friend Zone but he was fine with that,knowing you didnt hate him anymore.You two would hang out all the time outside of babysitting Wheezie,he’d come down to the beach with you to have splash fights.

One night while you were at the beach,the area completely empty besides the two of you as you splashed cold water at eachother.He had pushed you into the water,your clothes,hair and skin becoming soaked.You jumped up,hugging him tight and getting him soaked too.He pulled away,grinning down at you.He didnt know why he thought it was a good idea,leaning down and kissing you.All the three months of feelings spilled out just then,his hands holding your waist tight.You didnt knew what to do,what to think,pulling away. “Um….so you just-what?”You huffed,trying to understand.His bottom lip trembled,his hands shaking. “I just….I dont know.”He mumbled,still holding you.You nodded,finger tracing his jaw. “So you dont know why you did that?”You asked.He looked out at the ocean,biting his lip. “Cause I like you...love you and I just thought….”He mumbled,trying to form words.You rolled your eyes,pulling him into another kiss. “Asshole.”You grinned,running a hand through his hair.

@sexytholland @28cnn  @popcrone818 @fttayla @cherryobx @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @drewstarkeyobx @poguestyleskye @judayyyw @jjtheangel

[jwnbwnjwn]

Entry 8 (12.20.2020)

 Well, it’s been a while since I’ve posted an entry on here. My last one was back in September, and man a lot has happened since. First off, My sleeping schedule has been messed up for the past couple of days, and in a bit I’ll get to why. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it in any of the last posts but, if I didn’t then my goal for the last couple of months has been to get on a (keto) diet and lose some weight, and I’m here to tell you I still haven’t, I haven’t even stuck to a diet for that matter. The only diet I’ve had has consisted of take out and midnight snacks. Anyways, now let’s get down to business. I went ahead and read my latest blog post before this and I laughed at the fact that I said I was starting a diet, yeah that never happened. Im happily at 160 lbs at the moment (not really happy about it but oh well). 

I mean covid-19 is still going on, its kinda spiking then calming down, spiking again, and its just this whole repeating situation. Everyone's still wearing and masks and doing everything to be safe, although I think my towns cases are starting to go down. It is around Christmas time so they’re starting to decorate everything, all the parks and stuff; so hopefully that doesn't spike the numbers up again. When going out though I still have to be careful, I can’t catch covid and give it to my loved ones, and I would rather not make history and get sick. 

I guess I should start here. I wish my life was still the same as it was during my last entry. I really do. I wouldn’t have known what I do now and I would’ve just been at peace, happily living my life and struggling with school. I ended up getting a D in that biology course, and dropping that math and history course. Yeah, it was a pretty shitty school year tbh. I’ve never been that lazy and unmotivated when it comes to school but man, this fall year really took a toll on me because I legit did nothing all year. In result of it, my gpa went to absolute shit and down to a 2.8. I now gotta make that up during the summer and try to get it as high as i possibly can. I just finished my second fall semester so I’ve been on Christmas break for about a week now, but honestly this break feels so lazy and gross. I am reading my last entry to see what I can catch everyone up on, as things have changed drastically. I mean my friendships are still fine, I still keep in contact with seatbelt and ice and maria. I keep in contact with them almost daily honestly. About my relationship, thats where I wish things were the way they were three months ago. Without going over too much detail, a girl reached out to me and let me know her boyfriend and Mr. were trading girls nudes again. Honestly hearing this a second time broke my heart, but I really didnt have much of a reaction to it. It hurts every here and there, but I guess im forcing myself to open my heart and forgive and forget so I can go ahead and move on already. Mr. and I are in a certain situation trying to avoid law enf*rc*m*nt so things have been kind of hard recently. He’s been seeing me many times this week just because of the fear itself that one day might be his last time to see me, but I think things are starting to cool down with our/his situation, so hopefully he’s not walking on eggshells too longer, because seeing him worried makes me worried and vice versa. He’s looking into going to therapy and having a closer relationship between him and god, in order to get rid of his old ways and make himself into the better person he needs to become. I can’t really get into details about the situation on here as it legit would be the most dumbest thing I could possibly do, but in result of getting closure about it, he told me he was planning on purposing in the near future, like before 2021 is over - but then he had to go fuck it up and put that on hold. After talking about it we’re going to have to attend counseling once again, but in hopes of fixing our relationship and getting closer again. I love him a lot, I do, but man he is one dumb ass person. I really hope and pray he gets his stuff together, because I really do want to spend the rest of my life with him. I mean, I guess we’re kind of in an awkward part in our relationship, but its honestly because of the situation we’re in, so we just have to work through this and rebuild the trust he ruined. I know he’s going to be going to individual counseling for sure, but I have a feeling that’s just going to turn into couples counseling the way it happened the first time. I hope I can get myself to go into counseling for myself as well, because man, I really do want to work through these issues I have deep down inside of me, but I can’t find the courage I need at the moment - maybe after all of this is done I will. Mr.’s dad is still really sick, but im still praying to god and the heavens above he gets better. I’ve been talking to my dad a lot and my relationship has been improving, while my moms and I’s is kind of going backwards slowly. About those two discord friends, I dont know why I put “crunch” as one of them. I forgot what his first nickname was, but I know it wasn crunch. I mean his name is cesar, so i guess i got mixed up lol but yeah i’m not friends with c*sar and shr*mp anymore. I mean I got really close with him, and I did consider im an important person in my life, until one day I logged onto Discord to see he kicked me out of the server and blocked me, which eventually resulted in everyone from the server blocking me and deleting me off roblox so, I pretty much had no say in it. There wasn't even a reason TO block me, I legit just logged on randomly and was blocked. Although I found out through someone else who was also in the server before he himself blocked me that apparently I was jealous of shr*mp and I guess calling c*sar manipulative got him upset and thinking so he blocked me lmao. Anyways, because of this I dont really play Roblox that often anymore, but instead I watch anime now. Currently waiting on AOT’s new episode releasing today so, thats something exciting to look forward to. I cant wait for christmas just so i can see the look on my siblings face when they see what I got them lol. I also got Mr. a chain bracelet, so I hope he likes it and actally wears it. There’s not really much else except being on eggshells with Mr. and wasting my life away. I’ll keep you guys updated. I’ll try to post on here more often.

Ended this at 12.20.2020 at 8:27 AM

-jen

[dykeceit]

the sanders sides/lazytown crossover au no one asked for

here it is lads!!!!

ok so i think we can all agree robbie is basically an anxceit fusion right?

evidence: 1) wears purple 2) grumpy, wears makeup, basically virgil vibes but more comical and extra...and who's comical and extra? (also he's closer to deceit style wise i think)

in his song "master of disguise" robbie sings such lines as "its so easy to deceive you", "you can walk right by me, not knowing that i'm slimy" he also disguises himself several times. in this essay i will-

ok so virgil and deceit are twin brothers in this au and they're robbies nephews (no, my love for ducktales has no influence on this whatsoever, absolutely not) they've never met robbie (im thinking maybe robbie has a sister who married a guy with the last name sanders or smth) but are now going to stay with him bc...Reasons?? fuck if i know-

virgils not excited abt it at all but deceit is...to say the least. he wants to meet robbie and impress him since he also aspires to be a Villain (TM) (???i guess this is like..LT universe logic here just go along w it-) and the whole car ride there hes just talking abt it and trying to convince virgil its gonna be fine while virgils just Not abt this at all bc Change Is Iffy and we've never even met this guy and ofc you'll have things in common w him but i dont even wanna be a villain so the fuck am i doing here-

they Arrive and for some reason theyre at the other edge of the town than the one where robbies lair is so they have to walk through it and its mostly empty (theres..probably more than like 7 inhabitants tho lets go w that-) until they hear voices and dee wants to check it out so they do and im imagining like,,virgil lifting dee onto his shoulders so he can see bc there's like one of those Walls that the town has yknow the ones-

and its the sportsfield and all the lazytown kids plus roman, patton and logan who are playing like baseball or smth w them (the sides are all in high school and the kids are their canon ages or a little older). they dont notice dee and eventually he and virgil continue their search for robbies lair (if you want to make this shippy dee was probably staring at one/two/all of them and almost fell down bc they almost looked at him and he freaked out)

so they eventually find the lair and dee just fucking bangs on the lid or whatever w his suitcase and loudly announces their arrival. virgil hisses at him to stop. nothing happens. dee tries the lid and it opens. he moves to go in it but virgil stops him bc no youre not just fucking jumping in there who knows whats down there and dees like well you go first then but virgil doesn't like the sound of that either and eventually one of them just jumps in (probably dee) and the other follows and they land uncomfortably in robbies chair. they (mostly dee) look around and at some point robbie Appears and startles them. dee recovers quickly and introduces himself rly pretentiously bc he thinks robbies so cool and villanous- virgil just looks at the floor until dee remembers to introduce him.

oh and virgil and dee's mom, robbies sister, basically just called him one day (probably like,,one or two days before this honestly) like so i know you've never rly like met my sons except when they were very little maybe idk well for unspecified reasons theyre gonna stay w you for the summer k bye-

(idk yet ok,,maybe dee needed a role model tm bc he wants to become a villain and virgil just went w him bc he doesnt Not want to bc theyre p much always together so even if he doesnt like the idea he goes along w it for dee)

robbie wasnt a big fan of this surprise announcement but he figures the boys seem ok and probably not loud (he thinks roman is too loud but he respects his interest in theatre and makeup and he thinks patton is a bit Much sometimes but very good at calming down the kids thank god- and also he loves cake and other sweets too and is generally nice to him. he thinks logan is too into health tm,,like a sportacus without all the excess energy, flippety floppety and disgusting kindness- but hes calm and likes science tm so robbie respects that.)

so the boys settle in and dee starts gushing abt the disguise machine and tells him hes been practising that too (look its probably smth fae related i loved the fae!robbie aus so much-) and shows him and robbies very impressed and insert we are number one number here- (not literally but can you imagine)

later on robbie bonds with virgil too (they probably do their nails and makeup or virgil helps him w fixing or building smth bc he wants to become an engineer maybe idk (although canonically robbies science tm is probably magic bc he apparently cant do math yet builds a time machine-)

virgil and dee meet the other boys and become friends with them and the lazytown kids (they fucking love dee bc he loves playing the villain in their games)

aaand at some point a certain pink villain might show up bc,,,,yes (look i dont have the vocabulary to express how i feel abt glanni hes hjfdsrffgddfdfff-)

and he takes dee out and prob steals an outfit or two for him and does his make up and they match and dees just having the time of his life bc unlike robbie whos just a dork tm (as is dee) glanni is a Real Villain (TM) whos basically just like,,oh i think robbie said smth abt not buying u alcohol bc ur a minor eh whatever just dont drink too much or wander off or robbie will literally murder me-

(i have a lot of feelings abt this. just. heck. all of my favourite chs in one place..........)

anyway i dont have a lot of plot aside from this but like yknow them slowly getting to know robbie and the other kids, sportacus shows up maybe (also can we all agree hes totally a roman/logan/patton fusion or-)

[texaschainsawmiracle]

y’all mind if i

vent about romantic feelings that eventually led to crippling depression??

so ya boi, me, wheatley, wheats, 420smokewheat, am taking a calculus course this semester. it’s good. it’s a difficult course, but I have become friends with the professor, Chris. Good dude. funny guy. easily one of my favorite professors this semester. The TA? cool dude. dante. we only see him once a week but i see him maybe 1 to 3 times a week. when i first saw dante he had half bleached hair. I’m talking straight down the middle of his head, on one side, bleached hair. but his hair was pretty grown out so you could see his roots and honestly it looked like he was supposed to have frosted tips or something. it looked bad but i also loved it and couldnt look away. and a couple weeks into the semester he cut his hair and i was struck with sadness because oh shit i liked it? i hadnt realized that at that point

this post is gonna be about dante. 

tl;dr: i crushed on dante, dante (might have? im not sure) crushed on me, i asked him out on tuesday and he said no and claimed i was gonna use the relationship to get a better grade in the class he TA’s for, and we havent spoke since and im depression

I go to office hours a lot for calculus bc it kicks my ass, i go to Chris’, mon wed fri at 10am, I go to my old pre-calc professor, Bryan, for his help every tuesday and thursday morning, at 7:30 or 9:30, or whenever he shows up bc hes not already in town. Sometimes, in the math department, dante is there in the morning, and bruh,,, he reminds me of myself which is why i love and hate him 

first of all hes a fucking shit post loving fuck, dresses in whatever he damn well pleases and OWNS it, and... he’s very blunt but also the chillest guy I know. i started crushing on him immediately after he roasted the SHIT out of me one day 

me: i’m the funniest person i know

dante: you’re the funniest person you know?

me: yea

dante: you must not know a lot of people then

and at that point i knew two things: one, got dam dante got me GOOD i couldnt even be mad bc that was amazing, and two, i MUST HAVE HIM

and so my crush started and we would talk a lot because bryan would never show up to office hours on time which was great bc more time with my dude dante. he’s real cute and amazingly smart but also the fucking most idiotic loser like okay once i couldnt participate in class so much bc i was very sleepy but i told dante that i just had a computer science midterm and my brain was fried, to which he said he had two midterms this week and i was like “oh man sounds like a you problem” and he was very salty i wasnt being nice but dude im a sassy bitch thats just my thing. anyway after class ended i was like hey could u review this problem for me i dont get how you got to this part of the problem, and after he helped i thanked him and said “hey good luck on ur midterms” and he said “thanks you too” and  i saw him FLINCH and go thru the five stages of grief in front of me, he just accepted the fact he fucked up and looked through me like i wasnt there and it was the funniest thing and his smile and laugh make my heart flutter 

another time he put us into groups and i didnt move into my designated group bc my friend beside me was afraid her designated group would get annoyed/fed up with her being a bit slow to understand some concepts and i was like yo aint a prob aminah ill stay here so i can help u out. but all dante saw was me defying him and was like “hey hey no you have to move!” with a smirk on his face bc he knew i was gonna test his patience

i was like nah i dont wanna and he said you have to move bc i said so and i was like pshht sure ok whatever and he stated that since hes in charge he had authority over me and i was like ‘no u dont you have the authority but not my respect and his eyes literally sparked as if no one has ever tested him before and he was so smug about it bc i was publicly disrespecting him and he was like “oh its gonna be like that? you’re not gonna move?” “yeah im staying here’ and he gave up but he and i were smiling the whole time and after that dante just KNEW me, he recognized me and would be an ass to me but we were buds, and after that he and i would be less calc-centric in our chats, more about music and movies and talking about ourselves

october was really the month i was struck with attraction to him, especially around halloween. the weeks before i told him i was gonna be julian casablancas for my costume and he was like “oh i can dig that” but on the day of halloween, tuesday, a day with dante, he asked me at the end of class “what are you dressed as?” and i was like “DANTE YOU DICK I TOLD YOU LAST WEEK AND YOU, I QUOTE, SAID “ I CAN DIG THAT” and he said “IM SORRY I FORGOT” and bruh,,, he and i flirted the entire time?? he complimented me on getting the concepts better in class, doing better on quizzes, complimented my appearance and my humor, and i didnt know he was flirting until he said “im flirting with you and not doing a very great job at it are i” and i was like “oh, OH, no no youre good i like you its fine” and i just, was floored that he dug me?? 

and so i got a decent job recently, scooping ice cream, and i told dante that my julian costume was my first costume of the day and how i couldnt wear it to work (”what, is it indecent? *snort*” “no the sleeves of the jacket, i cant roll them up so i cant wear it” “..oh”) and he asked where i work where my sleeves have to be rolled up, i said i work scooping ice cream, and I offered to get him a pint of ice cream. he didnt give a solid yes or no, so i emailed him like “yo whaddup bich its ya boi, i didnt know what flavor you wanted so i’ll tell you what flavors we have” and i literally sent a page long email about what we have in store and described them so he could accurately pick one without blindly guessing. he never replied until it was two days before i saw him next (the 7th) and it was during my comp sci class, 10 am, i send an email like “hey bud just letting u know im going 2 work tonight and i don’t know what flavor of ice cream u wanted and I KNOW you want some ice cream so please tell me what flavor u want p.s. if u dont reply to this email i’ll stop sending emails” which wasnt me threatening him it was just a fact that out of the 6 emails i sent regarding meeting for office hours he wouldnt respond but he would tell me in person that he got my email and read it... but not reply bc “it was too funny and you put pressure on me to be as funny or funnier and i couldnt do it so i would put it on so it would seem i forgot to reply..” so after  i said yo u never reply to these emails so i’ll just stop if you keep ignoring ‘em. 10 MINUTES LATER i am hit with a reply and it literally,,, fuking,,,

and we talked for like, an hour before he stopped. it was fun and my heart was swept with gay feelings for dante. i got him the most caramel-ly ice cream we had and then..

..it was tuesday, the 7th, that i asked him out and gave him his ice cream and he... said he wasnt interested and how he hoped we could be friends and also remain professional about it, how that i might use the relationship/ice cream to expect or exploit it for a better grade and then i said no no its not about the grade it was more just being interested in him and, basically, i got a ‘no thanks’ and a handshake and then i didnt see or hear from him since. it sucks. i respect his choice but it still hurts to not have his company or anything.

chris, the professor, apparently knows about dante and i and more specifically how im crushing on him but that dante doesnt return the same affection and chris gives me shit about it and im very salty about being teased about such an embarrassing thing

anyway its only been four days but man it sucks. he sent me an email saying thanks for the ice cream, and then he didnt show up for office hours we usually do and then on thursday he ignored my presence and idk man did i just misread something? did i say the wrong thing? i saw us doing couply shit and now its just some dumb fantasy

anyway i respect his decision but i cried on the way home from bein rejected (tuesday), the day he didnt show up for office hours (wednesday) and office hours with bryan (thursday). im a sad boi

[ios-amsterdam]

Ep 6. “Oploop for Cullan”

The final twelve castaways are merged and are now members of the Coven tribe.

JONES:

It feels like Randy is relying on me for a majority of the social game. I totally get that it's hard to integrate yourself into a new group of people - but I don't want to have to carry him in this game. As far as I know, I'm the one who's making the other connections, and he's been asking me to do the talking when it comes to forming the alliances (which is something I really don't want to risk). Hopefully he's not just using me as a shield if we lose, I want him to be able to do something for himself, yk? It's his game too, and I want him to actually do well. And idk if laying low will really do anything for him right now. 

JONES:

HOLY FUCK I MADE MERGE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it's bittersweet bc now I have to scramble on behalf of Randy and myself BUT ITS OKAY BECAUSE WE'RE MERGED I'm so proud of myself. My current goal now that we're merged is to just check in with the old Wolfskers - specifically Keaton. I think of all the people from our old tribe, he's the biggest wildcard? Especially since now Chrissa is gone with the unanimous vote, I really just want to know why, yk? JONES:

I pitched an alliance to Keaton and he's down!! this is what I've been like,,terrified of doing the whole time? Idk if it's my dumb bitch juice or I'm getting too cocky or anything, but I'm finally like, making moves!! I'm pleased!! Ahhhhh!!!! hopefully they don't kick me in the ass or anything lol MO:

I made iT IT TO MERGE FUCKERS I DID IT. ME. I WIN. I’m getting to know everyone in this merged tribe and it’s so nice, it feels like a campfire. As for the reward challenge, I doubt I’m winning that shit, I don’t know anyone that well but it’s ok im ok we’re fine. Also, when i drink caffeine my brain becomes moldable to irrational thoughts that wouldn’t usually affect me but they amplify on caffeine. this isn’t game related i just needed to share. JONES:

So...I found myself in a weird situation. I'm not saying I'm the new Tyler Crispen or anything, but apparently I have ties with most people? Not only do I have my "Alliance" with Randy/Keaton/Jayden/Nick (since we haven't solidified anything yet), but now I have this alliance with Saxon and Madison. I'm glad that I have options, but I'm just worried that somehow it's going to bite me in the ass. Half of the time I didn't even do anything - Nick and Jayden literally were like "you're cool I wanna work with you" and like???? Shit here I am lmao. But yeah, it's bittersweet. I'll figure this out though if I can, I have more wiggle room now Y'all asked for tea! I'm thinking about the current dynamics of the game rn, and it's the Wolfskers 5 v 7 other people right? SO Wolfskers think they're in control of the game - and I want to keep it that way for this coming vote and maybe get someone that's inactive out like Jacob or Autumn? BUT then it'll be 5 v 6, I can maybe talk with Oploop for Cullan and the rest of the guys outside of Wolfskers about a blindside?? Idk!! I kind of love the idea. We can't expect to make it to the end with all of Wolfskers there, we have to turn on each other eventually - plus It's finally not a unanimous vote and it'll be a game changer yk?? I guess I want to see my og tribe mates squirm a bit. I've felt like I've been carrying some people on my social game so I'd like to see them try and save themselves. I came to play, not just sit around and coast the whole time.

MADISON:

Okay soooooo it's merge now, which means I can finally be with all my boys (Keaton/Nick/Kage). And last night, Jones, Saxon, and I made an alliance, so that's like half the tribe right now (math?) so I feel confident that I'm in a good position right now, but I also worry about Keaton being too comfortable as well. As proud as I would be to see him win, I need to try and make sure that doesn't happen because I know for a fact he wouldn't hesitate to backstab me (relationship goals) so I need to make sure that I take the first shot at some point. I don't know what it is, but I just feel really chill at this point right now. ALYSSA:

S/o to me juggling one-on-one alliances with four people LOL let’s see how long I can keep this up ~~~ RANDY:

https://youtu.be/5rcmDawtPpc

JONES:

I promised Saxon that I'd try to keep him safe for the next two tribals since he won't be there, and I also want to call Madison and Saxon to hear my "plans"?? I want to see what'll happen. It'll probs bite me in the ass if my paranoid bitch juice plans fail, but I'd rather go out of the game on a high note pulling off moves than doing nothing yk? I'm totally happy to help people with this immunity only because Idk if I want to win it? In my mind I keep asking myself if it'll make me a threat to win? It would be nice to win something, but I don't really need to unless I have to yk? ALYSSA:

Madison be coming for my allies and I’m like... first boot? Hehe JONES:

Alright so, Madison has said maybe 3 entire words since merge. Like Im not gonna force myself on you, ill just send you to ponderosa 🤷‍♀️ JONES:

I love how both my alliances are targeting each other :) :) :)  MO:

I hate the first tribal after merge. Because usually merge at the beginning it’s like a huge party because it’s a checkpoint for everyone and unless you go into merge with previous beef between you and someone else there’s not much to go off of when it comes to who to vote for. So now everyone’s just kinda sitting, looking around at eachother trying to find if there’s a reason they should be eliminated. Even if you wanna play strategic there’s a 50/50 chance of it working because you either get people to agree with you, or your target finds out and turns everyone against you. Slightly off topic, I’m not gonna lie I know I shouldn’t of been offended at the reward challenge but the person I gave a big bowl of spaghetti gave me a rotten banana. JONES:

The plan right now is to get rid of Kage and honestly I'm fine with it?? Like YEAH I keep saying that I want to see Wolfskers squirm - but there's no possible way that all of Wolfskers can make it to the end and we have to pick ourselves off eventually, and I don't want to be the one who has to get picked off because of it. Plus they're being kind of cocky about having the votes like - you're literally 4 of 12 people that already blew their cover to their target within 3 hours of the immunity challenge ending. MO:

So the vote tonight was originally going to be Madison but all of a sudden we hear about Kage being in an alliance with Keaton and Jayden so everyone’s going to vote Kage. But then I thought about it, I asked who told me about the Kage vote and they said that Saxon told them that Kage was in an alliance in the first place and from my knowledge, Saxon and Madison are pretty close. But I’m fine with voting out Kage. MADISON:

In this game Kage is a piece of hot garbage and he really hurt my feelings by coming for me for literally no reason. I never would've done that to him and it's just not a smart move on his part. And the fact that Keaton was in on it makes me so angry. I don't know why people in games always hate me so much, if knew I would change it but idk what I'm doing wrong. NICK:

So the vote is either Madison or Kage and my job is really to convince people to keep Madison because she is loyal.... well mainly loyal to me :D JONES:

WE HAVE MAJORITY TO GET KAGE and if I’m right then after this vote, Keaton will think that Randy flipped and will go after him, if not then I guess I’ll die! Sorry you had to succumb to the perjury gods, Kage. You were just too quick to throw one of my closest allies under the bus and I wasn’t okay with that. I kind of want to just say - yeah: I might be playing like a snake. I get that. But until this point I’ve been playing to nice and have to start playing for myself. I know I wouldn’t make it to the final 3 if I went with the Wolfskers 5, and now that it’s merge I have to make big moves. I’m sorry if anyone’s offended by what I play, but the game is the game and I hope we can be friends afterward. Thinking back I’m honestly kind of upset that I’m betraying Wolfskers/Kage/Randy, because I feel like I really have made connections with everybody, and now it hurts to vote them out. But game wise I know I have to do it eventually. I hope they won’t be mad after the game ends :( ALYSSA:

Catch me out here trying to find the winning side and work with them lmao everyone is making final deals and I’m like ???? Well apparently Keaton’s in an f4 with Jayden, kage, and randy And apparently Jayden made an f3 alliance with him and autumn??? Even tho he’s been trying to work with me???? And Saxon who was my f2 from the start is getting close with Madison Which makes me nervous but then I can always sneak into that for a potential f3???? But I’m a strong player and I don’t think that many strong players in an alliance will work Or at least like we’re all the same kind of strong player. Saxon and Madison are pretty strong players I’d feel nervous having an f3 with them for fear that one would back out And Saxon told me he and Madison have been on call every night It’s just very confusing Everyone has a fucking final whatever Im most loyal to Autumn tbh cuz idk who else I can really trust  and Autumn is loyal back I think... But then i just heard Jayden made an f3 with him and autumn and I’m like ?????? I trust trust I just wanna make Jury lol And not get called a snake 😂😂 Do I keep secrets? Yes But do I vote out people from my alliances? No (The one with kage doesn’t count) (That hasn’t been active since merge)

KEATON:

This game is silly. Everyone refuses to truly tell me whats going on (probably for better but still) and i have to hope and pray people tell me what the plan is. Today, that was Jones, telling me the majority hit on Kage so I am doing that...until an insane plan hits my mind.  Tell EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHERS IM VOTING KAGE...INCLUDING KAGE. Then, vote Madison. At this point, i have everyone in the world thinking i voted Kage, but instead i voted wrong on purpose, causing chaos in the group hunting for the stray vote. If i can sucessfully pull this off, I can save myself for 2-3 votes while everyone goes on a witch hunt, and the witch goes along with them. AUTUMN:

I have a loooot of tea to cover and like no time to do it cause I gotta grab dinner before live night but whew Kage is probably going home 8-4, the Wolfsker boys are in trouble- which would explain why both Randy and Jayden each hit me up for an alliance- and I love it. PLUS Madison created this vote with Jones' help since she's a mole on Wolfskers and her actual alliance is Nick, Saxon, and Madison. We love getting what we wanted with no blood on our hands 

 So you know I'm intentionally off the grid right now as they're panicking. Because whoever sticks by Kage and doesn't flip is walking right into the lion's den. All I need is for the vote to not be unanimous cause if it is, there won't be a massive fallout like I need there to be. Right now we have betrayal, 2 core fours about to go into war, and 4 floaters in the middle including me and Alyssa. So unity is not what I need right now. Ok I think I just about covered it? BUT LIKE ARE YOU SCREAMING BECAUSE I AM Alright now I really gotta go/ woo fingers crossed! And things better be how I left them cause if this shit somehow goes 6-6 so help me God

JAYDEN:

Fr Fr the sheep came out. Madison is active af and hasnt spoken to me. HMMM. Honestly I may be going home it is what it is. I think I can get Randy Keaton and Jones together to vote with me. Hopefully Autumn and Alyssa still wanna work with me. I feel like thats the only way ima stay.

JONES:

I'm starting to think that Madison and Saxon are playing emotionally? Like,,,I totally get where they come from, but when I told them Mo was sus of them being together, they were immediately like "I kinda wanna vote him" but that's not (clap emoji) SMART (clap emoji) BECAUSE he's so likeable?? Especially since he's already on to the Oploop for Cullan alliance,,,like,,cmon also we shouldn't be throwing names out now or they'll find out like what happened with Kage?? Idk I'd rather take my time rn bc we have an entire day

[yoonasgf]

171013- saturday a rant dnt bother reading

i feel like i wanna talk to someone but then i think about it and what am i even expecting ? whenever i say smth i regret it immediately so just thinking abt expressing whats bothering me to others i just know ill regret adn feel guilty and embarrassed about it later so i never talk to anyone abt anything that goes on in my mind and it gets to the point where its so over bearing i feel like its drowning my head somehow , im so.. lonely wld be the word but lonely in my thoughts but like that doesnt even make sense idk im just writing here bc i need to let my feelings out somehow and i’d usually do it on twitter but like the 140 characters thing anyway i just feel like i want to let things out but whenevr i do i never like the answer i get, like if they give me advice i feel annoyed cus i wasnt asking for help i was simply stating how i felt (and most of the time its stuff that cant really be fixed?), if they tell me stuff like “i love you !” its like ok? ik its mean but someone elses love does not affect my situation at all since its an inner issue that doest rly have to do with self-esteem, and if they just are like ‘yeah’ or ‘thats so bad:(’ ijust feel like theyre not paying attention (even if they are) which makes me regret opening up, so i dont really know what im expecting when i vent to someone i guess i just want to feel like someone is listening to me idk im like so full of thoughts and feelings. writing this feels like its calming me down a little bit so i think im just gonna keep writing, in english (its funny how id rather open up in english since its my second language i feel more alienated from it so it feels less real? what im talking about seems less seriousdk) so whats circling in my mind is that i dont have anyone im urging to meet i dont have anyone i truly like anymore and that my ladies is so fucking sad and frustrating that ive mentally grown apart from my friends im just not myself when im with them and sure my fake-extroverted persona ive built throughout highschool is good at doing her job and she still gets along with them so well but now it feels like that side of me, the fake one, is another person like we used to share some “mental common ground” but not anymore i just dont have anything in common with that persona anymore so whenever im with my old friends i just become her it’s like i completely leave reality it makesme so lonely inside. and i cant help it its unvoluntary how i switch places with the other me i cant stop it and i hate it because i feel like its drowning me alive, along with my personal issues. lately ive been isolating myself a lot, i stay in the classroom during recess and i havent gone out in like a month.actually last time i went out i decided i just wont go out anymore i just think its not for me i truly dont have fun. is that okay like is that normal? like is just dont enjoy the loudness and the kind of jokes that go on, i think if grown too fast. i justdont wannatalk about drinking andsex and how evil the math teacher is, like its fine once ia while but iwanna discuss science and philosohy and share thoughs too,  anything else is so irrelevant it’s so sos irrrelevant to me. not that i dont enjoy good laughs anddrinking, but for that i feel like i wanna be with someone who is special to me? like someone whoi respect intellectually first, and then we can laugh at dog memes. someone i can show my realpersona to,and the thing is i have my best friends she’s literally so perfect bc she’s smart but also silly so we can talk abt hitler but then we can talk abt that one episode of sponge bob ? but the thing is shes graduating this year, and she has like an almost boyfriend, so i decided i should start getting used to her not beingwith me, but thats way more lonely than i thought. the guy thing, it wasnt planned, and shes with her crush most of the time which i totally understand i watn them to be together and stuff but i dont have anyone else but her- that is the real me not the fake persona, the fake persona hasmany people- but i though “she deserves this” so decided to step back so they can concentrate on each other. she ofc wouldve never asked this of me, but it seems like it was the best, sometimes i feel like a huge burden to her. but now imrealizing how lonely it has made me, being with her is like letting go of a breath that ive been holding and im realizing how much i need her. so i thought of like ‘slipping’ back in but im faced with the fact that we will infact part ways when she graduates because we’re attending universities in different parts of the country so maybe i should be getting used to the solitude, until someone else comes. and someone else seems to be here, this one friend i have in my new class, but im so scared of opning up to her, im scared of her kindness to me. i always think “why is she so nice? why does she stand up for me” at first she wasa bit too rough for me but as we spent time together i think she realized what kind of person i am and changed her ways so now were getting closer and closer and it makes me so 불안해 and 두려워 (idk how to express the sentiment in english) i dont even know what im scared of, it;s not like ive been hurt before in that way i think? maybe i have i cant remember. the point is, i know i should let this person in because she’d help me but i just cant seem to opne the freaking door its like my hand is shakinly holding teh doorknob without actually twisting it. i do think i will eventually tho. anyway. i was saying i spend alot of time alone these days, reading,studying, twitter, watching stuff, and its really nice i really do enjoy being by myself but i honestly dont have manyb things to do? so eventually the Thoughts come, and lately what ive been meditating is how the reason why i dont get close or attached to people (again the fake me might get closed but not me) is because simply no one is as good company to me as myself? which is fine wyou know many people feel like that, but i hate that if im alone poeple thinkg i dont have friends or that im sad and they think its bad that i am alone which is really not the case. i could be with ppl if i wanted to i just chose not to. theres this particular guy in my class actually, who thinks he has to be my friends bcim often alone and it irriates me so much bc 1. hes interrumpting my enjoyable me-time 2. he does it out of pity and boi do i hate pity like sometimes i just stay in the classroom doing homework or reading and he comes in likw “why are u always alone:(” because i want to you fucking dumbass andtoday or maybe it was yesterday particularly he said “why are you always alone is it becayse you dont have freinds bc you went on exchange and dont know anyone” llike um no im alone because i literally want to be alone you absolute dipshit and ido have 10 times more friends than you i just dont feel like being wit hthem you fucking asshole it pissed me off so much as if he’s ?? helping in anyway ?? i just wish anyone whosaw me alone wld tjust think ‘i guess she likes being alone’ isntead of thinking that im alone bc no one is willing to keep me company. isuddenly got really mad writting this. i think this really calmed me downishould do it more often its not like anyone who follows me here wld open it, like ideally this is whatdiaries are for but i dnt like to waste paper. im gonna write the date as well 

[survivorelsalvador]

EPISODE 7 - I Love Our Tribe And Don’t Want Anyone Out - Regan

(If a confessional is just a gif or a picture then it was most likely Veronica, winner of Jeju Island, uwu <3)

LILY

Well. My plans to take out queen Dana have failed. Luckily she still trusts me and kai. So I'm in a good spot. I trust Richie the most and hope we can make it far. But honestly I feel like I have no real alliances so I could be in trouble too. I wish that my immunity win wouldn't have been wasted on someone being med evacted. I wanted to make a damn big move! Haha oh well, I guess there is always next time. But I suck at trivia. Soooo it will probably be sooner rather than later. Wish me luck....

ZAKRIAH

brooke has always been better than flick idk why she gets so much slander flick is fucking stupid

KAI

AHHHHH WILLA WENT SO NO MORE STRONG MAJORITY ALLIANCE. *sad face*

ASHTON

*Talks shit about rob or whatever*

LILY

Sorta nervous that Dana will stop trusting me based off of my FTC speech in Bahamas. I hope this isn't the case but I'm a tad worried. Also I still feel like I have no real allies and I ain't gonna get 7th. Your girl really needs 7th or an FTC shortly or I'm gonna lose it. Hopefully we make merge after this vote but I have a feeling we will have one more immunity.

AUSTIN

Almost had a mental breakdown and quit because y'all think you're XD comical roflcopter funny!!!!!!!!! But you're not

DANA

"Heylo

1) Ashton and Richie are targeting me. Why? Probably because I never talked to them. This is 100% my fault. Oops. Glad we don't have to go to tribal this round because I literally sold my soul to the trivia challenge/

2) I'm trying to work with Lily and Kai in this game...after voting them both out of another game VERY recently... bad strategy? Definitely. Just bring me back to Willow and Zak.

3) I'm 99% sure the idol clues are leading me to something that has to do with... JLo. Honestly, wouldn't be shocked if I'm right, this seems like something Rob MIGHT do. If I'm wrong? This is going to be a VERY embarrassing confessional to read at the end of this game. If I'm right? We'll then things could be looking up for me! "

RICHIE

"awkward i loved for dana and she's still here because willa got another strike so i still havent talked to her or addressed the fact that she def knows i voted for her bc i completely ignored her before tribal because im a flop lmao.... i was going to throw the immunity so we could just vote her out again this time but then with the resistance that austin gave last round against voting dana + lily told me that dana/kai/austin/lily started an alliance before the last vote i didn't want to risk it so we won and yay i guess??? i need to step up my social game or like just talk to anyone because i'm sucking big time i can see myself being an early merge boot with the fact people might think im a challenge threat and my lack of connections.....

on another night im conflicted because when i found the idol it was with the help of chips i had asked him about the clues he got earlier in the game and i was talking with him bouncing ideas off eachother to try and figure it out and when i found the idol i said something so now he knows i have it which is fine because i trust him but im dumb i should have just kept my mouth shut and kept the idol for myself bc im going to need it going into the merge but i asked chips if hes getting voted out and he said no one on his tribe is talking to him so now i might give him the idol................. but if i give it to him and he doesnt play it and doesnt give it back i'll be pissed and if i give it to him and he uses it and he's not getting votes im going to be pissed... so the chances of me being pissed are like 66%??? idk im not good at math but its chips so ill do it for him if i think it will save him so that i go into merge with one good ally "

NICHOLAS

hi hey hello so i still don't really know what im doing so lets hope i dont go home ; - ;

JOSH

https://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/gremlins/images/f/fa/Gizmo.PNG/revision/latest?cb=20090920192843

WILLOW

I wanna vote out chips bc he doesn't talk a lot

REGAN

This round was hard because we have to vote Chips out, he knows hes going (might have an idol? says he doesnt). its just I love our tribe and don't want anyone out. I love willow but honestly Id rather have her out than Chips at this point because I adore chips. But I might as well go with my alliance or theyll get mad so.

CHIPS

"It has been a long time coming me making a confessional for this season.

I want to thank you hosts again for being so gracious giving me time to get settled in my new state and living quarters and being flexible with your requirements. I'm sorry it has taken me this long to give you my thoughts, honestly.

In summary of my experience so far - I don't remember much from the first tribe as I think we were only there for one round and then got swapped. If that is not the case it must have been at a time where I was barely on the computer.

We got swapped and I was the first picked in a schoolyard pick by Lily who's this really sweet person who really wanted to work with me in another side season that I was playing in!

Our tribe didn't have tribal and did really well and then we got randomly swapped again (I think it has something to do with the number of quitters?)

Anyway, that initial tribe did well in challenges and got clues and then Richie asked to see the old clues that I had gotten at other times and he deduced where to find the idol and he found it. And so that's cool...

When we got swapped the second time I got swapped onto a tribe where I had not been on a tribe with anyone else and it was a double tribal with individual immunity. I knew I had to win because of everyone I'd be the easiest vote since there'd be no previous connection.

I was immune and then this person named Bulgaria left instead. Anyway, then we had to do some trivia which was pretty fun until I got busy the next day and missed nearly every post of a question - our tribe lost and I was shocked to find that the hosts didn't even do that basic thing where you can give up all the points to force a tribe to go to tribal for an advantage that has become popular recently.

Anyway, our tribe is going to tribal so I message everyone to ask them about the vote and stuff and no one gets back to me except for Regan. Regan just wants me to give her a name so I tell her Zakriah because he was the last person of this group to accept my contact request having done so just at the end of the last tribal council.

Anyway, eventually Nicholas messages me to tell me that he thinks there's an alliance of Regan/Zak/Willow/Josh because they were all on that tribe together and that they are going to be voting between either me or him.

Richie messages me and asks if I think that I'm maybe going. I tell him that no one is really talking to me and tell him that Nicholas told me about that ""maybe"" alliance and he says he'll find out if he can send me his idol. Richie sends me the idol and tells me that I can play it to stay safe since no one is talking to me, but if it's not the majority vote he's going to be mad at me.

Well, I can't guarantee if this group of people isn't all self-voting since no one is talking to me so I am going to play it and vote for Josh instead of Zakriah. I figure that a random vote for another person if the rest are voting the other way will at least shake up some suspicion if there is a group as to who cast it.

Gosh! I really hope this isn't just a really inactive tribe and that there really is some secret plot against me. If not, these players all need to be medically evacuated as soon as possible, because trying to speak to them is worse than Mattie from Atomic Survivor Death Valley."

"[7:24:00 PM] Regan: what do we do [7:24:00 PM] Regan: I [7:24:37 PM] Chips: I... don't know tbh. [7:24:52 PM] Regan: I feel bad either way [7:24:54 PM] Chips: I mean, I voted Josh so I kinda wanted to stick with it. But then like... I dunno. :/ [7:24:54 PM] Regan: who flips in a merge [7:24:55 PM] Regan: honestly [7:24:59 PM] Chips: Me. [7:25:02 PM] Chips: I flip in a merge honestly. [7:25:16 PM] Chips: Like.. you really think I'm not going to. [7:25:17 PM] Regan: UR FLIPPING [7:25:18 PM] Chips: >.> [7:25:22 PM] Regan: well fuck [7:25:24 PM] Chips: When EVERYONE VOTES FOR ME TO LEAVE

Um... I?"

REGAN

THIS IS THE MOST STRESSFUL TRIBAL OF MY LIFE. BETWEEN ZAKRIAH AND JOSH AND I CANT VOTE OUT EITHER. BECAUSE THEYRE MY FAVES. AND LIKE ITS NOT EVEN FAIR TO ME.